Things are a little difficult. I am a bit confused. I am caught in a place where I have enough to be thankful for and happy about, and feel weird for being sad about all the things I am sad about.
ONE
I have a great job. But I cannot stand my manager and everyday in the office is agony if it involves any actual communication with him.
I also report to someone one level above him, and we get on great. Not just in terms of friendly banter, but professionally he gives great directions. That’s how a boss should be. But how can I go around my manager to maintain healthy directions to maintain healthy performance?
TWO
I may have the opportunity to travel this year.
But I am not feeling good about my health, fitness, appearance. I worry about people talking in the office. I also wonder if I should do a better job of saving first, or should I make use of my 20s and just do this now although it means pretty much using my full paycheck every month.
THREE
With my social life being a bit lacklustre, I feel like I should commit to a new activity. For myself mainly, to be passionate about something that’s also social.
And that’s the second part, to just have a chance to meet new like-minded people.
If I travel, I will have to do it pretty independently. And it get’s pretty lonely out there. I would meet LOADS of people, but it would be the same as now — meeting lots of great people but only transiently. I’d love to make some deep lasting friendships. To have someone who will still be here in 5 years. Who I can call at midnight to go for pizza or have a sleepover or whine about the stupid things that pop in my head. You know, the simple things that make up a great trusty friendship.
FOUR
Being hurt by people you care about. That’s just hard. And it’s difficult to keep being positive.
FIVE
Health. For a person in my 20s I don’t care for the lousy news I’ve had from doctors. It’s not bad enough to have a full breakdown, but somedays the difficulty of it hits you and fear of how it could worse and affect your life…. And those days I want to stay inside and be sad.
Yes.I have days when I want to stay in and be sad. This is definitely not how one imagines one’s twenties.
The lack of support of a close partner — be it bestie or boyfriend — is fundamentally difficult. We go through a lot. And I like to talk things through. I appreciate support, second opinions, balance and also someone to love and share rainbow moments. You feel lame for complaining to people who aren’t as close. So you keep things inside. And suddenly the most commonplace of things, like couples holding hands or groups of girlfriends… suddenly pulls at your heartstrings. Those things were never noticeable before. And you find yourself wondering if you are actually honestly sad.
Ella | Long Distance Flutters 