Slumber Parties and Surfer Boys

Switched off my mind and fully enjoyed my time in Bali. I took to the sky, dancefloor, sandy shores and strong waves. The girls and I shared a room so it was much like a slumber party. Since I have no sisters and often been one of the boys, it was really nice to just be with girls. We had fun dressing up and getting dorky and doing lots of girl stuff.  I’ve never really had anything like that. It felt very natural and so much fun.

I left it to the girls to shape the trip and it turned out to be lots and lots of partying. Each day was geared to look forward to the night.

Traveling with pretty blonde girls, I was much prepared to take the backseat. They did indeed get lots of attention but so did I really. In Bali you cannot walk anywhere without the locals saying things to you. The girls laughed at how often someone shouted a compliment about my hair or stopped me to admire it.

On the beach, where lots of locals set up in little groups, I was like a mini celebrity. The girls said they were supposed to be exotic but no one paid attention to them there when I was around. Different groups were calling me over to hang out with them. A man with his guitar, a surf crew, rasta boys…It was pretty fun. I liked being someplace where people really liked that I wore my hair a bit different. It’s nice to be appreciated for how I look rather than just feeling like the odd one out.

When we partied, it was mostly a Caucasian crowd and there the girls had most of the attention. But there are always those who can appreciate a girl no matter where she is from, and some who like what’s different. So every night I ended up with a boy glued to me. I must say I didn’t try at all. It just happened and that was nice.

Most nights, the girls and I danced lots and hung with this particular group of people, and then boys would come in the picture and we would go our separate ways. It’s funny because I think of them as the prettier ones but I was the one who had a guy every night.

The first night, two beers in and my tiredness was gone. I danced with an Indonesian boy for most of the night. He was kinda little and had a cute mole above his lip. I got quite a bit of attention as I lost myself in the music and fellas tried to weasel in and cut him off. I stuck with him. Later I realised I’d been buying his drinks. I asked and he blatantly said he had no money nor any intention to buy me anything. So I decided he didn’t deserve to have the shot I had bought him. I raised glasses with the  random group next to me so I wouldn’t have to do a shot alone, and ended up conversing lengthily with a nice English guy. Apparently, the Indonesian guy who stood quietly next to me throughout this time refusing to get into the conversation, signaled threats to the English guy. Classy! The girls had each met guys too, so a quick chat and I left with the English guy.

Here comes the crazy bit that you live for as a traveller. I learnt later that the Indonesian guy was mad jealous. He followed us out the club, was upset that I left with someone else, punched my friend’s date out of nowhere giving him a black eye (?!), and actually followed us down the street some to see where I lived.  !!!
He had a sort of ‘confrontation’ with me when he saw me another night, calling the English guy ‘the asshole that I left with’ and said he’d seen us go all the way down one street so he had some idea where I lived. I was surprised and very creeped out that he followed us. I told him I knew he’d punched the other guy and that was really really not cool, and walked away. He left me alone then.

The English guy and I had a lot of fun and he was off on a plane home the next day.

The next few nights were similar. I was up all night with a boy, had a wink of sleep, went about the day hungover, and got ready to party again.

One day we spent entirely on the beach and that day EVERYTHING felt okay. The moment was perfect. I counted my blessings. Not everyone gets to experience such beauty, not everyone gets holidays, not everyone gets to party and spend their money on things they don’t actually need. I had my friends, I had this beach, I had all these friendly souls around, I had a job back home and healthy family. I didn’t have a man but it was okay.

Another day we went parasailing and went to temples.

The rest of the days were spent getting ready to party 🙂

I knew that if I didn’t set my rules before i went to Bali, I would end up going quite far with the boys. If I have a limit in my head, I will stick to it no matter how drunk. But I couldn’t decide beforehand.  Once I got to Bali though I didn’t have time to assess anything, the party started from the moment I got there. So I just did.

There is a downside to this story but I will keep to the excitement for now.

 

 

 

Side note: First e-mail from Rai in 3 weeks today. Just a simple how are you. No reply yet so nothing else to report.

Bali Beach Bumming and Partying

Bali is every bit the party place I heard it would be. I have gone on 0-2hrs sleep each night for almost a week now. Pretty ridiculous hey? Incidentally that means I maximized the 24hours of a day and had quite a full trip though it was just for an extended weekend.

I flew in after midnight, exhausted from the late night packing + flight after work, followed immediately by harrassment and haggling, fear as I tried to find the hostel in the dead of night on the shabby roads, and unable to reach the girls phone. As soon as I put my bag down though, dripping with sweat, the girls showed up and whisked me away to a party for a compulsory celebratory welcome drink even though I was exhausted and resisted. It turned out to be the best night of the trip.

It went on from there. I embodied every bit of the backpacker free-spirit and rolled with everything, even though I was there for a mere couple of days surrounded by backpackers who were on the road for months on end. Who could tell? It took so little time to slip into that mode mentally as well and I had an absolute blast.

It was quite funny though, that parties in an Asian place was packed with 95% foreigners. Swedes and Aussies mostly. Even at our hostel, I was the only non-white person there. A strange thing!

The cool thing about places like this, the local culture and foreign-backpacker culture coexist in such balance. They are so different and separate in some ways, but intertwined in many others. We spent most of the day hanging out with the locals on the beach who are quick to welcome you as friends that you actually see them everyday on the regular… and most of the nights with the fellow foreigners. Quickly there are familiar routines, spots, faces.

Partying there is not as fancy as here but so much more fun, in all honesty.

I met lots of people. I wasn’t sure how I’d be with boys but there was no messy tangles, only a lot of listening to the body. It felt quite good to put on that traveller attitude. I just hope I don’t regret it later when I think of what it means for my identity. But I think it’s good.

More on that next time. Now I need to get some much needed sleep.

Girl Friends Sunshine

Girls just wanna have fun! I am having the best time. I’ve been spending every free minute hanging out with my European girl friend who is town visiting. I love her to bits. She is travelling with another friend who is equally lovely so we’ve been having girly times.

We understand each other very well, even where we differ. We met while traveling 2 years ago with another girl, and 3 of us have been like sisters ever since. We can sit around doing nothing and still have an awesome time. I don’t really have a girlfriend circle here, so it’s really awesome when these girls are around. And girl time is EXACTLY what I need now. I’m happy it’s with one of the best girls in the world 🙂

She’s been updated about the Rai situation, understands completely how tough it is. She insists I visit him in a couple of months. Even if its for a few days, she says, I have to just talk to him in person.

We exchanged stories of boys and adventures and changes in life. It feels very surreal because we travelled for 3 months, and then met again for a little trip, but always some place foreign to both of us. For her to finally be on my home turf… strange!

It was also kinda cool that we bumped into 3 people who had starring roles in some of the stories I’d told her.

 

One tale was about ikissedaboy. Her jaw dropped. She got mad. And she declared him an asshole.

While we were having drinks, he happened to walk by. We said hello, he kissed me on the cheek, I introduced him to the girls and they spoke in their common lingo. The girls were smiley and I guess happy to be meeting some of my friends. When he went away, I whispered that he was ikissedaboy from the tale. And they got so mad for me. Haha. It was cute. It’s great to have girlfriends for things like this, they really got your back and will get mad at assholes for you.

When we were leaving, we had to talk to him briefly again and the girls were kinda snappy and unfriendly this time. It made me laugh. He looked a little uncomfortable as we left   🙂

We hung out somemore and some random things happened to make fun travel stories. I bought them a dinner spread with a variety of local flavours, they bought my beer, we had cocktails and talked and laughed. Great times. And tomorrow is her birthday so we are going to go big. I have bought all sorts of ridiculous knick knacks that she will have to wear when we go out and we are going to create chaos and have SO much fun :)))

 

P.S. I did have a recent chat with Rai and he looks hotter than ever. Still with a lot on his mind, but he made me smile

 

Rollercoaster Emotions

Okay. So. There’s so many things going on in my head/heart and they all seem to be consuming me. This may not be a very coherent post.

1. This guy with his ‘ikissedaboy’ confession. Was he interested in me or never was?

2. I am incredibly irritated/agitated/bothered by him kissing that guy. Maybe it’s because I found that guy irritating. Maybe it’s because I truly found this guy stimulating, engaging and attractive. It’s not like he didn’t flirt with me too. And it was obvious I was interested that way. The thought of them still bugs me and gives me a deep unsettling feeling. It’s weird. But it really bugs me.

3. Why the fuck am I still thinking about this guy?

4. No news from Rai. Feel like I comprehend it a little better now — he’s either on a mini vacation or he’s gotten into trouble. He was a bit of badboy in the past. And he’s a tough man. I am thinking the overwhelming emotions and confusion may have led him to get into some sort of (probably drunken) brawl and get into trouble.

I am only guessing. But that gives me some sort of answer instead of waiting and wondering why no e-mail.

5. On the very bad side of that same note, that could mean I won’t hear from him for months and months and months. I think they actually get internet access there (strange concept but I’ve heard this is true) so maybe in a couple of weeks. An answer is important. To know where we are. I cannot float around open-ended. Also makes me really want to hug him and make him feel better.

😦

6. I was freaking out. Spoke to someone I view as a leader. He helped to calm the nerves some.

7. After calming down I still ended up getting with a guy. He was nice but he was random. Before this, it’s been a long time. So… I dont know. Am I in control or am I going haywire here?

8. One of the last things Rai did was to play me a song declaring how beautiful I am and how it drives him crazy. It’s bittersweet. It tells me he didn’t disappear on purpose. It reminds me how much I care for him and how hard this is to be without him. It makes me smile and cry at the same time.

9. I cry less.

10. I know I want a guy who cares and treats me good and takes me out in daylight and gets to know me. Why do I still open myself up to these gonna-be-douchebag-tomorrow guys I meet on nights out? Why do I even want that attention? Why do I still want the maybe-gay guy? We get along great but he never calls me. Although when I called he did answer and speak quite comfortably. Engaging, again. Gah.

11. If he is in lock-up, would it make any sense to uproot and make plans with someone who gets into this kind of trouble? I still care for him yes. And his grief is great, people do things, I get that. But if i told anyone, hey im flying out to get into a serious relationship with a man who lives the opposite side of the world who has this huge baggage and is in lock-up, they would think WTF. Even I would think that. It sounds absurd.

12. The leader i went to see, intelligent and spiritual as he is, told me that I come across as a sensible, intelligent woman. And I am attractive I won’t have trouble finding guys. Just be open to it. Don’t close yourself off all for this one with the complicated situation. Apparently I think I am in love but I am only beginning to fall in love.

I am quite confused now eh.

The Universe Mocks / Friends with Benefits-ish

I called a close friend to tell her what’s been happening and also what happened last night when I forced myself to go out and have some fun to take my mind of things. At the tale of last night, she was laughing so hard and said “I’m sorry I know it’s sad but it’s also incredibly funny. No one could have planned this. It’s a masterpiece!”

What happened? Here.

Rai hasn’t been in touch. It’s only 4 days but it feels like a very long time. Emotions and state of mind seems to change rapidly these days, with each day feeling so very very long since the first bad news. I am still deliberating what happens from here.

I joined a friend for a night out. Only there was this guy there, a guy I’ve met before who I find very attractive, who was also very interested in what I had to say the night we first met. It was more talk about career and ambition and still he was so engaged. I like starting on that foot rather than sexytalk.

Last night, the group were hanging out drinking outside casually rather than in a club. We ended up spending most of the night side by side with no lack of conversation. He put his arm around me, I had my legs swung over his when we were seated. The signals were all that there that we were getting along, that there was an attraction.

Also I have a tendency to do nice things — I am better at being the caring girl than the bitchy hotstuff girl men seem to like to chase. He said at one point “wow you are really taking care of me tonight”. Could be good, could be not.

“I don’t know if he was telling me to get it off his chest before anything more happened.”

I had a little breakdown at one point on my own and my friend came to talk it through with me and this fella was pulled off to a club in that time. I went to join him later when I felt better. I flirted with him through a little dance.

To be honest, I had every intention of having fun with a guy… if I felt ready when the moment hit. I was quite relieved to find this guy there because he’s actually nice and we genuinely get along. So here’s someone I can have fun with and also spend time in the daylight with. So I was happy to go slow, without pulling out all the sexy cards. We were talking and flirting slow. So this was the upgame now. The sexier moves and the next stage was coming. So there I was dancing, just for him,

He leaned over and said…

He’d kissed a guy earlier in the night.

WTF!

Edit: I’ve cut out the emotional blabbering and leaving you with this shorter version. 

I was incredibly frustrated and sure that the universe was mocking me. Even my attempt to distract myself had flipflopped SO badly. Who coulda seen that coming??  I pushed him away and had a giant breakdown. Easily the worst of my life. It was pretty public too. Sigh.

I didn’t listen to anything else he said. But I apologized the next morning for getting mad + a brief explanation.

Still toying with the idea of a friends-with-benefits proposal. I get the feeling he isn’t very comfortable with what he did that night so there’s a chance but I don’t know how good an idea this is. I liked it because it was going smoothly. Now it’s obviously not. Drop it or drop the idea completely of finding a fella-for-fun?